Things are so rarely perfect

     I think, dear Alicia, that what I love most about you (and honestly the part the compliments me most) is that you look forward. This isn't to say I dwell totally on the past. Just that I tend to be more introspective. Not much of a revelation I know, but we have to have a subject to write on in the end.

     It's that bull-like push towards the future that tends to get me off my ass at times. It's something I need. I wait. I wait until things are perfect to act. The thing is this "things are so rarely perfect."

     When I say I went outside of the box for you I mean that. I didn't wait for the perfect moment to kiss you or the perfect place for it to happen. You initiated that as well I suppose. "So Do I get a kiss.. or.. what." Where the exact words you spoke if I'm not mistaken. At which point I had no choice did I? I suppose I did but looking back what else could I have done to have ended up here? I then had to quickly attempt to straighten out what was a fairly messy apartment (I had not allowed for the eventuality of things going so well on that first date). This is again me waiting and thinking and wanting things to be perfect. Sets to be cleaned up and the stage ready for me. In a way I view the world as a stage and myself as an actor. I like my words and actions to have a sort of precision to them. It's comforting to me, being the introvert I am.

     Control. That word sums up quite a bit of who I am an both abstract and precise ways. I've spent a long time (due to various circumstances and heartbreaks) working on controlling my emotions. Remaining calm. I was a bit of a firebrand once upon a time. Far more than you even see now. All bluster and no thought behind it. I was unhappy so I found that by controlling the environment I was in I could minimize the effects fear had on me. It's why I stayed living at home and working the job I had for so long. It was an environment I felt like I could really flourish in.

     This all isn't to say I don't, can't or won't step outside of that comfort zone. I have in the past for almost all of my relationships. The difference is almost all of them were slow burns. Dominoes I set up over a period of time that all fell right (not all of it consciously, mind you, but with hindsight you can see it all being crafted).

     It's not all I am. In the right company I can be quite outgoing. Specifically in your company. You push forward. It's an inspiration and a bit scary, but also , I think, just what I need. Keep on pushing forward.

So yeah, like I said, outside of the box.

PS This is what part of the Alphabet would look like if QR where elminated.

PSS. I do not know why there's an apostrophe in Letters. I'm not sure if I did it or somehow it got auto corrected and I'm not sure how to change it.